Life is Our Reality Show
We’ve had someone reach out to us about doing a movie. And someone else suggested a reality show.
I was just at our friend Suzette’s house talking about this and she laughed and said that this blog and our Facebook page IS our reality show 🙂 And we’re the writers and directors. And it’s so true. What we are doing is sharing our reality from the place of who we are and where we are. With no drama and no artifice. Just us from our most real places. Working hard. On the path to discover who we will now be as a result of meeting each other.
After our article came out in the local paper and when we started getting notes from all over the world, we decided we would do this blog. We’ve always wanted to show up for the world as this real life couple who was completely open to love, however it was going to present itself. A couple open to looking at our own stuff and being willing for others to see. So we’ve invited everyone in to share with us in our journey through through this blog.
When I look back at who we were when we met (lol and to an extent who we still are today), I see an interesting combination of insecure and secure, clinging and confident, disguised and totally transparent, other directed and self directed.
Right at the beginning Henry was on his way to a solo walkabout in the desert for almost two weeks, something that drew me to him in his second text to me. I was intrigued by his spirit of independence, an interest in self-awareness and self growth. And there was that thing about his willingness to meet a woman 30 years his senior through a text 🙂
I had felt different my whole life. In so many ways I’d felt like I’d needed to hide my true self. In those first hours we spent together, I could tell this was someone with whom I could be myself completely.
Of course these are the times when we’ve been being our best selves. The other part of our reality show is that we’re human of course and waver between being our best selves and “human” selves sometimes multiple times per day. Nit picking about how the other one drives or about not helping with chores around the house.
I wrote about fighting last week and with distance from only one week can see that when we’re in what you could call “the flow,” we are secure and confident, transparent and self directed. When we fight is when we’re insecure, clinging, disguised and CONTROLLING.
Whenever we try to fix, change or heal the other one, when we’re not self directed but are busy looking over at the other person trying to make them be different so we feel better, it’s always when we’re trying to control.
There’s a great parable inside the parable book “Illusions” by Richard Bach that talks about a group of people living in a river. Their lives are spent clinging to the rocks and twigs along the banks as the river rolls by. Clinging to what’s safe and what they’ve always known. One decides to let go and is told “NO” don’t let go! You’ll DIE!! Stay here and cling with us. But he lets go and does get bashed around a bit but ultimately is carried by the flow of the river, passing many others who stare in amazement at this being who dared to let go.
We’ve actively asked for answers. We’ve worked with our coach Judy for 2 1/2 years, with a few exceptions, every Saturday. We’ve wanted to quit. We’ve almost given up. We’ve hated her and hated each other. We’ve fought and cried and blamed each other. But what we’ve found is we don’t give up. We’ve found in each other someone who won’t leave when we’re being our worst self. We’ve found someone who’s equally committed to looking deep into our own selves, looking at our childhoods for wounds that can be healed and healing them.
The book that changed everything for both of us was Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendricks. If you’e reading this blog, read that book. We think everyone should read it. It’s humbling and amazing all at the same time. What we learned about being a perfect match for each other was vastly different than how it’s portrayed in the movies.
The initial intrigue about our story was that I sent a text and got a wrong number and that we’re married now. That’s the story that went global in one day. We resonated with other women older than their mates. With younger women with older mates. With people who had given up on love and were bolstered by our story. We made people happy.
Some have called us a romantic comedy. Some compared us to You’ve Got Mail or When Harry Met Sally. Someone has approached us about a movie and others have suggested a reality show.
In the end, who we ARE is a couple joined by the feeling that anything is possible. That by not clinging to what is supposed to be, we are confident that through opening ourselves to trusting the Universe, or flow, we will shine our light on Love, growth, adventure, self awareness, and how our lives will be infinitely richer as a result. When someone figures out how to capture THAT, then we’ll talk 🙂
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